Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize