I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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