Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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