hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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