Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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