I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
