FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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