so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize