Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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