I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize