i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
