I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
