I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize