4 words: hood of his car
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
