Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
