I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
