Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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