Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
