you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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