i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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