How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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