I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
