Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
