it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
