woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Small penises have feelings too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
