I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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