I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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