That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
