Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got inside last night via doggy door
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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