That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
