I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize