I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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