dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
