Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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