Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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