my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
