my mouth tastes like poor choices
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
