Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
