the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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