Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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