I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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