how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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