So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize