I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize