the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
