Can Purell be used as lube?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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