Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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