Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everything about him screamed your future.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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