just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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