She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
