I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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