gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
