woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
