So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
