Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
