yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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