You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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