DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
