i barfeds in our rink
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
