What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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