Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize