he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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