But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
