My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
