So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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