We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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