I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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