Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
