i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
