What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
