So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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