i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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