Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
